Swag

We've just returned from a bridal event. Hush, three of the vendors we needed to talk to were there, so it was convenient. We conferred with one of our potential florists, rental company and caterer, plus we met a new cake vendor. Jimmy personally devoured half her samples, I swear.

When we got home, I sorted through the swag bag and found a pair of pink panties, tied in curling ribbon. I pulled them out and unfurled them. Courtesy of the Dillard's lingerie department, at which I have never shopped because literally nothing is in my size. Including these tiny pink panties they put in the swag bag. Now, there may have been a time when I could have worn this scrap of fabric, but it definitely was before graduating from school and bearing a child.

"Look at this," I said, showing them to Jimmy. "One size fits all my ass. Literally."

Jimmy took the panties from me and held them up. "Yeah, that's ridiculous."

Of course, Ian chose that moment to walk into the dining room. And saw me and Jimmy sitting at the table. With Jimmy holding women's lingerie up in the air.

Ian stopped in the doorway, staring. Jimmy turned to him, still holding the panties up in the air. "Um," Jimmy said. "It... it came with the stuff. From the show."

I was no help at all, since I was laughing my ass off.

Without missing a beat, Ian said, "Jimmy, if you're not too busy..."

Jimmy gratefully escaped outside to toss the Frisbee around with the boy. I still haven't stopped laughing.