Tuesday, November 25, 2014

The Castle

If I had it to do over again, I would find you sooner, so I could love you longer.

It somehow seemed important to log every moment, when we first talked about writing up the wedding. Every hilarious comment, every tender and emotional moment, we must write it all so that nothing is forgotten.

But after 17 days' time to think, I realize that nothing will be forgotten, at least not by us. Because it was perfect.

What I remember most was that we made the right choice - and not just by deciding to get married. When we first started this sleighride, we sat down and wrote out the things that were most important to us: as my friend Geoffrey said, "What do you need in order to feel married?" Every couple's answer is going to be different, and that's important. Fortunately Jim and I were in sync: we wanted to married in our church before the altar, and we wanted to be surrounded by our friends and family. That meant no running away to a beach somewhere, no courthouse. We wanted the traditional wedding weekend. 

It was the right choice. It was an amazing and beautiful time, absolutely fun and meaningful at the same time. All the warnings about "so much trouble" and "too much drama".... nah. As I told Jim, my panic point was about two weeks before the wedding, when I was up to my eyeballs in DIY projects and trying to scramble the last arrangements into place. By the time of the wedding, my only problem was how much my feet hurt.

Oh, those demon shoes.

The rehearsal dinner took place the night before; Father McMichael assured everyone that he maintains a policy that the rehearsal should not take longer than the actual event. It was a lovely social event, giving everyone the chance to get to know each other or reunite over fried chicken. The sand ceremony with the kids was sweet and fun, even when Mallory accidentally spilled a little of her sand (to much ribbing from her brothers). The vase with the layers of colored sand now resides in our bedroom, as a reminder that we who were apart are now one family. (This idea I stole from my stepmother Karen, who did something similar when she and my father married.)

I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine in the hotel lobby with my bridesmaids. Hey, something had to dull the pain in those bedamned shoes. Now, I'd been up until 2 or 3 a.m. each night for the last three nights, with wakeup calls at 7:30 or earlier. So it probably wasn't the wisest choice to stay up late drinking with the 'maids when I was getting married in the morning. But then it wasn't the wisest choice for Jim to go drinking with the boys at Fast Eddie's, either. 

The morning of the wedding was thankfully clear; we were terrified of rain, as you can imagine. A nasty-early wakeup call dragged me and the 'maids to the salon, where we were sadly lamenting our shortsightedness in not bringing mimosas. The ladies kept insisting that I rest and eat, silly 'maids. I did get a brief massage in the hopes of staying relaxed; little did I know that the beginning of the wedding day isn't when you need the massage! It's the next day!

Hair coiffed, we fled back to the hotel, where all of the ladies were getting gorgeous. It's completely unfair that the boys just have to shave and throw on a tux, while we spend five hours binding ourselves under these gowns. My phone would not stop buzzing as I did my face and started adding layer upon layer of foundation garments. I would tell you how many layers were between my skin and the air that day, but you would not believe me.

Finally the bridesmaids made me eat some pizza, because they were all mother hens, which I suppose is the job description. Then Sara the Fairy Godmother started working me into the Dress. Still the phone was buzzing, but Mitzi took it away from me and informed the groomsmen that they were on their own. And reminded Jim to go back to the house and get my beautiful shawl (knitted by Kate!) or he would be slain by the maid of honor.

Mitzi was the 'maid responsible for my transportation. We had to recline the seat so that I could pile into it with this enormous silly dress, and then she insisted that I wear a seatbelt. "Um, there is no seatbelt going to fit around this thing," I said. She stomped her foot and insisted, and believe it or not she managed it. I still think it was a violation of the laws of physics. I called her a nudzh, and she replied that she was responsible for the bride's safety and refused to reenact a scene from one of my books. 

Upon arrival at the gardens, Mary the 'maid scuttled over to the bridge where the groomsmen had apparently been horsing around and tormenting Tom the photographer for a while. Mary provided a Boy Scout scarf to blindfold Jim, so we could have a First Look photo. That made it safe for me to approach - sort of, since the boys were in fine shenanigans. Oh, the snark. And something about Kaiser kissing Jim, which is a photo I can't wait to see. The best men, Ian and Noah, looked quite dashing in their tuxes, and Kaiser told me I was "a vision," which is about the sweetest thing I remember him saying ever.

So I approached my dashing groom, standing practically at attention with this bright yellow scarf over his face. Tom instructed me to pass him and approach from behind. As I passed Jim, I murmured, "Hiya." He replied. "Hello. Kaiser kissed me." I really think #kissedbykaiser was the hashtag we should have used, though #thewalkingwed became rather more popular than the lame #donaldgillentine that I came up with. Kudos, Cousin Shaun.

Then the First Look, which Jim has already described in much more powerful fashion. I couldn't stop smiling; he looked so handsome, and of course he was crying, because my big tough man is a total marshmallow in a leather jacket. Or a tuxedo. 

There were photos. Many photos. Cell phones were bopping out all the time, and of course Tom took gazillions - 600 or more by the end of the day, if I remember correctly. First on the bridge, and then in the pagoda overlooking a lovely autumn lake - just a week too late for real fall foliage, alas. 

The bridesmaids and I were all in strapless dresses because the bridal industry is wonky like that. Three of the 'maids and I had lovely shawls, while two others had opted for puffy jackets. Thus it was their fault that we had to have the photos sans shawls. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. It was... a tad chilly. As the gentle breeze wafted over the lake and struck our bare shoulders, a cry arose: "Oh my GOD it's cold hurry hurry we're freezing!" 

Tom got creative, too - he arrayed us all on a hill slope beside the water, which was just awkward enough that we were one slip away from a hit YouTube video, plus we were still freezing. Tom grinned his evil photographer grin and said, "You know, this is such a great shot we could stay here all day." There might have been a chorus of profanity, I'm not sure. We did the "point at nothing" shot, so when I get the photo, there will be a contest to see who can photoshop in the best thing we're all terrified of - and Godzilla is disqualified. Too easy.

Onward to the church, and Mitzi strapped me in with a seatbelt again even though I was practically horizontal in a mound of ivory satin, resolutely maintaining I would make it to the church in one piece. I started singing "Get Me to the Church On Time" from My Fair Lady, only I couldn't remember all the lyrics and I was prone in a corset, so I doubt my performance was memorable.

At the church it was more photos - by the end of the night, Ian confided in me that "I've never had my picture taken so much in all my life." Hang in there, kid, your turn will come. Really, that was part of the fun: all the families were there, and we mixed and matched like mad. We were all laughing and having fun - the bridesmaids came to the conclusion that my uncle Brian is a dead ringer for Walt Disney, and Ian concurred. Chris the groomsman took a photo of the 'maids sitting in a pew with only their shoulders visible, and of course they look naked, because that's the way this goes. Onto the internet it goes!

The last few minutes before we were supposed to get started were just minor kerfuffles: handing out the flowers, getting the witnesses to sign the marriage license, last-minute hair repair. Sara tried to re-place my tiara so it would be more obvious, which I vetoed. As she said: "I'm Sara Harvey and I don't do subtle." 

I was dying of thirst for some reason, so I went back toward the kitchen for a cup of water. "Look out, she's making a run for it!" cried Kate, and chased after me. I insisted I was only getting a cup of water, but of course there was an exit door next to the kitchen. Up popped Tom - I swear, he was a magic gnome who could appear whenever there was something silly to photograph - and now there are official photographs of me trying to make a run for the back door of the church with Kate restraining me.

Of course, Mitzi had informed me all the bridesmaids were in agreement that if I tried to run, they'd wave copies of the receipts for nonrefundable deposits in my face. It would have worked.

Hilariously, it was Jim who had the panic attack before the wedding. We were all lined up for the Ministry of Silly Walks: flower girl and ringbearer, bridesmaids and groomsmen, crucifer and torchbearers, choir, book bearer and priest. Plus us. There were a lot of people in this wedding. We had opted not to go for the "traditional" procession where everyone goes in and then they all stand up and watch me walk in by myself with a big fanfare like I'm the Queen of England. Instead, we decided that Jim and I would process together with the rest of the liturgical party. 

But Jim was convinced something might go wrong - is it time for the flower girl to go? Does the crucifer know to wait? I asked if anyone had a tranquilizer dart gun. "Relax," I said. "Everyone knows their part. Stop fretting."

So he kept fretting, because he's Jim. There was another exit door at the end of the hall, so I pitched my voice sotto voce and said, "We can still make a run for it." Donna the bookbearer, all of maybe five feet tall, raised the brass-bound Gospel in her hands and said, "I will hit you with this book." She won.

When we began the processional hymn - Jim's favorite, and seven freaking verses long - I was shocked at the crowded church. When I got married the first time, I remember being saddened at all the empty pews - but in retrospect, that was the Cathedral in Memphis. It was a big room. Our little church was so full - so many people who came to share in our happiness and support our choice to share our lives. Jim has already written about the amazing joy and positive energy in that room, and I can only echo it: so much love in one room.

Of course, there were a few hiccups. Kate had tied the rings onto Sammy's ringbearer pillow, and instructed the priest that he needed only to pull this one loop to get them free. Of course, he pulled the wrong one, and at least a verse and a half was spent struggling to free the rings. Young Sammy (my nephew) just grinned as though to say, "Hey, I did my job." The 'maids later told me they needed to restrain Kate, who wanted to leap over the aisle and help. "Wrong loop!" she allegedly whispered to Mitzi. I told her later, "Well, he is a priest. But he's still male." 

The rings safely placed on the altar, Jim and I went through the Declaration of Consent. You know this part: it's the part where we both vow to love, honor and cherish (it does not say obey) each other in sickness and in health, etc. We say "I will" - there is no "I do" in the Anglican rite. It's also the point where they ask if anyone has any reason to object, and Jim and I shared a little grin at that. Fortunately our friends behaved themselves. 

This was also when my father gave me away. Funny thing: we had been over every step of the service together. Jim and I discussed every part, decided everything together, and I thought we knew the service as well or better than anyone except the priest. But once we were actually going through it for real, everything flew out of my head. I forgot what happened, what to say or anything we'd discussed. When my father stepped up to give me away, I had totally forgotten he was going to do that. As if we hadn't discussed it a number of times.

I also give Dad credit: At no point did he crack the joke, "I keep giving her away, eventually someone's gonna keep her." 

The "I wills" are not the vows, by the way. That's our consent, that we have come together willingly and for the right reasons. The vows are something different, our promises to each other. But first! Readings! Because we're Episcopalians, and we have to do the pew calisthenics. 

The first reading was from the Song of Solomon, as read by our dear friend Geoffrey Pruitt, who once told me that we should do what we needed to do to feel married. I wanted to preserve it, and can't remember which version we used. But here is the likely translation:

My beloved speaks and says to me: 'Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away;
For now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.
The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death, passion fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame.
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.
If one offered for love all the wealth of one's house,
it would be utterly scorned.

The second reading was from I Corinthians, and at first I wasn't going to use it. It's beautiful, but it's also used at every. single. wedding. But then when I read the alternatives, and Jim and I talked about it, we realized there's a reason it's at every single wedding. It was read by our dear friend Candace Sauermann, who once upon a time told me to keep my mind and heart open to the idea that someday I might marry again. 

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.
But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end.
For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end.
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; but when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.
And now faith, hope and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

And then the Gospel, which I won't reprint here because this is already too long. It's John 15:9-12 if you're so inclined to look it up. Father promised that his sermon would be "uncharacteristically brief," and he surprised me by going into some theological depth; standard is to keep wedding sermons general, since the congregation is varied. Ours was moreso than most: probably fewer than half the people in the room were Episcopalian, with a large number of Catholics, Mormons and Pagans. I wished I had the ability to take notes on his sermon, which focused on how God moves in our lives, and how our marriage would be an example of God's love in the world. (No pressure.) 

He made the probably-unintentional *snerk* moment by saying "it isn't a fairytale." And that's true, acknowledging the long roads that Jim and I both traveled to reach this point, to be together, to decide to marry, and even then, the long path we traveled through our engagement. I have said it before, but I'll reiterate: we were not engaged for two and a half years so we could plan a giant shindig of a wedding. We were engaged for two an a half years to prepare to be married. We went through premarital counseling and family counseling; we spent a lot of time talking about marriage and creating our own informal Engaged Encounter (since there wasn't one to be found anywhere in the Midwest if you weren't Catholic). He has two divorces under his belt; I have one. Neither of us wanted to rush into a big mistake. So it isn't a fairytale.

On the other hand, we had this whole theme going. So it's a little funny. Forgive me, I get the giggles at important moments in my life, and I had them big-time. I just couldn't stop smiling, even laughing. I laughed like a fool the whole weekend, even when I was wearing those damned shoes.

After the sermon, both Jim and I looked at each other in terror. What happens next? We had both totally forgotten, and because we're idiots, neither of us had a program. We were actually glancing around the wedding party to see if anybody had a program when Father McMichael gestured to us - oh yeah, the vows!

We went up to the altar, and I heard sniffles already - I'm lookin' at you, Grandpa Curtis. It's a good thing Father McMichael was well-seasoned in this, because he knew to repeat each part of the vow in phrases for us, because every word I knew except for the ones he said had flown out of my head. "To have and to hold from this day forward. For better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish; until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

Jim held in there until the second line. Marshmallow, I'm telling you. I wanted to hug him, but instead we just held each others' hands. He pulled it together and finished his vows, all teary-eyed and adorable. Shut up, I kinda like the guy, you know. I did my part, still with my brain a hissing white void like snow on a TV screen, but I had the presence of mind to remember to speak up; it's a big room and I wanted them to hear this. Even the little grin we both shared at "for richer, for poorer," because for us it's mostly poorer. And that's okay. Because we're rich in other things.

Then the rings, which the priest blessed before giving them to us. As we slid the rings on each other's fingers, we said, "I give you this ring as the symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." I share the words with you, folks, because I believe the Episcopal rite of marriage to be the most beautiful I have ever read. I'm a words person, and I could not have written a service more lovely than the one we chose. 

At that moment, the priest declared us husband and wife (not man and wife, and certainly not Mr. and Mrs. Jim Gillentine because no).  And then we leaned in to kiss. "Not yet," Father McMichael reminded us in his placid way. There was a roll of laughter that went through the entire sanctuary - yeah, we got ahead of ourselves. I half-shrugged - hey, can you blame me? He looks dashing in that tux!

No, first there are prayers. Because Episcopal. The Lord's Prayer, and a series of prayers for our life together as read by my father in his best voice. It was beautiful and wonderful, wishing for us wisdom and devotion, that we might support each other in hard times and give joy to each other in good ones, that we might have grace to return and make amends when we hurt each other. We even left in the part about being blessed by children, because while it is unlikely with my health, it is a blessing we would love - and we are already raising our children, the greatest of blessings.

There was a prayer that was almost dead-on part of the Father's sermon: Make their life together a sign of Christ's love to this sinful and broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair. Again, no pressure. But even so, it is part and parcel of my own faith, which I share with Jim. The greatest of these is love. 

There were prayers for others, as well: that the married couples hearing the vows might feel their own vows strengthened. Earlier there was a point where the priest asked everyone if they who witnessed this marriage would do all in their power to support us, and the congregation replies, "We will." That was one of the most important moments for me: all who were there stood with us, not only as witnesses, but participants in our covenant. 

The ending prayer was one of the most beautiful, and given the events of recent days, it dwells on me with more than the usual weight.

Grant that the bonds of our common humanity, by which all your children are united one to another, and the living to the dead, may be so transformed by your grace, that your will may be done on earth as it is in heaven; where, O Father, with your Son and Holy Spirit, you live and reign in perfect unity, now and forever.

We knelt before the altar, as Father McMichael took his stole and wrapped it around our joined hands. Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts, a mantle about their shoulders, and a crown upon their foreheads. This is an optional part of the service, an ancient tradition that held great meaning for me. It's similar to the Pagan handfasting - which means the ancient Anglicans probably stole it from them - and to me, it truly seals the marriage. 

Then Jim helped me up, turned to the priest and said, "Now?" 

"Ah, go ahead," Father McMichael said. Jim kissed me, and the room went wild.

(to be continued!)

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Happiness...Love...and Even A Little Godzilla Part 2

We had ridden in our little fairytale carriage for about forty minutes, and it was time at last to go to the wedding reception. 

The place we had chosen was the Wildey Theater in our town, a wonderful old movie house that had been renovated by the city. Our names were on the marquee in lights! It was so awesome to ride up in the carriage, with Tom taking pictures of us and outside of the grand old place. We thanked our driver and Jedi the horse for the wonderful (but cold) ride. 

Tom took pictures of us under the marquee kissing and across the street so the whole place could be seen. At last it was time to go inside. As we went into the elevator, I couldn't help but kiss Elizabeth again and smile. She gave me her patented Elizabeth look of happiness. 

After we exited the elevator and went into the reception room on the top floor, the room burst into cheers and applause. We were getting a standing ovation for just walking into the room. The song, As Long As You're Mine from Wicked played as we entered the room. We waved to everyone, and my son, Noah, screamed "DAD! DAD! LOOK AT YOUR CAKE! THAT IS SO COOL!"

I looked where he was pointing. The baker made my cake just like I wanted: a toy Godzilla action figure between two buildings, with one on fire and the other broken in half. The words '60 Years Of Destruction!' were written on the bottom of the cake. It truly was awesome and was what I have been wanting these past two years in a groom's cake. 

As we walked through the crowd with all the cheering and laughter, we made it to our own head table at the front of the room. I looked out at the packed room smiling, and couldn't help but feel proud to be surrounded by so many people that loved us.

"What are all of you doing here?" I asked, laughing. I got a good laugh from the crowd and I sat down next to Elizabeth.


Our wonderful DJ, Alesia Clardy, introduced us again and helped with the serving of the food. We had gotten food from Bella Milano, a wonderful Italian restaurant in Edwardsville. As people were served, I kept looking over at Elizabeth as we ate. She was smiling and looking out at the crowd of friends and family that had gathered for us. 

Her father did a wonderful toast for us. It was full of jokes and laughter. But the ending was serious and brought tears to my eyes. I kissed my new wife and we both raised our glasses in our toast with everyone else in the room.

At last... the moment Elizabeth and I had been dreading arrived. THE FIRST DANCE! We both crossed ourselves and said a little prayer as we went out onto the dance floor. We both have four left feet and can't dance to save our souls. Alesia started up the song, I See The Light, from the Disney movie Tangled.

At first, we felt stiff and tried to remember basic dance moves. Then we did a simple little spinning move, and we got a huge cheer. We both looked out at the crowd in shock. We were both thinking, 'That was our best move, so please don't cheer yet.' We both nearly tripped at one point, but we were able to keep it from happening. 

But something strange happened after that. We just looked into each others' eyes, and the room seemed to disappear. The moves came naturally and we stopped worrying how we looked. The dance moves came from the heart and it finished with us ending in a kiss. The crowd cheered for us and we bowed to the crowd.

After that we had a huge dance with the wedding party to the song Hooked on a Feeling. My God, it was so much fun being out there on the dance floor with everyone! 

The night continued after that with a lot of well wishes from people coming up to our table to shake our hands and give us hugs. Then a familiar song started up: the song GODZILLA by Blue Oyster Cult! It was time to cut my groom's cake. I loved how my cake turned out! I almost didn't want to cut it. But I cut off a small piece for me to eat and shared it with my fellow Godzilla fan, Noah. He had just turned sixteen earlier in the week and we had gotten him the movie Godzilla 2014. He loved my cake and I was happy to share the moment with him.


Then Elizabeth and I cut our wedding cake. It was a wonderful, beautiful cake with a castle cake topper on top. It was fantastic and added even more beauty to the already wonderful room. Both cakes had been made by a local baker and we owe her so much for all the hard work she had done.


The room had been decorated by Elizabeth and a lot of people from out of town that had come for the wedding. It turned out fantastic. Elizabeth had come up with all the ideas for the room. It was beautiful, all of it. I was having such a wonderful time, I guess that is why what happened next happened...

The song, Gangnam Style, started up, and Mitzi, one of the bridesmaids, asked me out to the dance floor. Sooooo... it happened. I cut loose with dance and did it GANGNAM STYLE! 


Ohhhh...well. I had fun and gave a lot of people a good laugh. So it was worth it.

Then came a special game when to came time to take Elizabeth's garter off. Elizabeth sat on a chair with a box hidden underneath it with different things inside it. The idea was that instead of the garter I would be pulling out all this other weird stuff out from under her dress.

The first thing pulled out was a deck of Taboo cards. Then a box of muffin mix. Then a little heart. Each time I would make a little silly face. But what Elizabeth didn't know was that I had a surprise for her.

A few months ago I had saved a poor little puppet from a trash can at work. I felt sorry for it and decided to give the little thing a home. IN ELIZABETH'S CAR! I named him Chuck the woodchuck and he stays in the car and sometimes I will pull him out and talk in a silly voice and make Elizabeth laugh. Or mad, depending on her mood. But mostly she laughs at the poor little guy and will play-punch him. Well, guess where he was hidden on the wedding day? Yep!

I felt Chuck in the box and played it up.

"Oh yeah! I got the garter now! I feel it! I got it! Annnnnd...THERE!" I said as suddenly Chuck was up in the air on my hand in front of Elizabeth.

"OH MY GOD!" Elizabeth laughed out and threw her head back laughing. She then punched Chuck on the face and I laughed and took him off and went back to looking for the garter.

The next thing I pulled out was...GODZILLA! Of course it was! Elizabeth just laughed some more and at last I finally found that little blue Tardis Doctor Who garter. What a wonderful and funny moment it all was!

At last the night was winding down and people were starting to leave. We had the one last dance together out on the dance floor with mostly everyone that was left there. It was a beautiful night. People were all laughing and some were still crying tears of happiness as they said their goodbyes to us. It was all so perfect and the entire day was just wonderful and magical.

We couldn't have done any of this without all the help and volunteers of people that gave their time and talents to us as wedding gifts. It would take another blog post to list all of them. But I just want to say to everyone, 'THANK YOU!' We both are forever in your debt for all of the love and time all of you gave us for the wedding and the reception. It truly was a fairytale and it was a day that will live on forever in our hearts.

I love you Elizabeth. My beautiful Star...my beautiful wife. Thank you for being in my life.

And....GO! GO! GODZILLA!

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Happiness...Love...and even a little Godzilla. Part 1


We just got back from the honeymoon tonight. It was a wonderful time and it will receive its own blogpost. But first, I wanted to go over the events of Nov. 8th from my point of view.
First off, two wonderful friends (Chris & Mark) took me out for a little fun at Fast Eddie's for a couple of drinks the night before the wedding. A kinda of impromptu bachelor party. It was a fun time, and they took good care of me and cut me off so as I wouldn't have that bad of a hangover. When I got back home, my son, Noah, who was one of my best men, was watching Godzilla 2014 with my friend Stephen. They both took care of me and made me drink plenty of water and take some Advil before I went to sleep to keep me from feeling bad in the morning.
I woke on time and with very little side effects from going out the night before. My daughter and her husband and her child were there at the house, along with my future stepson, Ian, and my son, Noah. To say that I was a little nervous would be a bit of an understatement. I could feel my heart racing as I tried to get ready for this very important day. I made coffee and had a couple of cups to get my energy up.
Mallory and Jonah asked me how the service was going to be done. I explained to them that it would be a full service in the Episcopal Church's tradition. This is one of the main reasons Elizabeth and I wanted this service. Our faith is important to us, and having our vows said before God was something we could never have in a courthouse.
After talking to them for a little while, it was time to get ready. After I showered and shaved and all that good stuff, I tried to wrestle the boys into getting ready. I had to tell Ian and Noah five or six times to start to get dressed, and as usual, Ian was outside with no shoes on. My God, his feet were so muddy! I had him go wash them off and made Noah get in the shower while I got dressed.
Thank goodness I fit in my tux and so did Noah and Ian. Both of them looked sharp as razors! And I couldn't help but cry tears of pride looking at the two of them.
Two more of my groomsmen showed up at the house. My two good friends, Patrick and Stephen, arrived to help calm me down and to make sure things were going smoothly. They could tell my nerves were starting to get the best of me, but they got me to calm down and finish getting ready.
   After we were all ready, we headed out to the Gardens at SIUE for photos. We got there early, which was a good thing. Because I forgot Elizabeth's shawl that her friend and maid of honor, Kati,e had made for her to wear on the wedding day. With the fear of death instilled into me, we ran back home to get it.
When we got back to the gardens, all the guys were there. Mark had picked up the flowers from the florist and had them waiting in the car. Frank was there, wearing his Cubs hat to poke fun at Elizabeth. Patrick was there, along with Ian and Noah. Chris was there, smiling and poking fun at me and the photographer, Tom Atwood, was there to start taking shots.
We went out on the bridge to start up the fun. Mark walked out on the bridge messing with his tie and asked for help to fix it. I gave him a hand with it like a good friend would. Then the guy KISSED ME! A LONG KISS DEAD ON THE LIPS! EW! Of course Tom took a picture of it! Ohhhhh....
After everyone got a good laugh about it, we started the business of trying to look cool for pictures. I have to say, everyone looked fantastic in the tuxes we had picked out. Tuxes with tails are classy! All of my friends and two sons looked awesome, and I really think everyone liked being dressed up.
Finally the bridesmaids began to show up, Mary (Chris' wife) walked over to me on the bridge holding a yellow scarf and told me it was time to be blindfolded. Elizabeth and I had decided to do a first look set of photos, so I had to have my eyes covered. I let Mary blindfold me, and I let Tom lead me out to the center of the bridge.
I heard Elizabeth laugh as she got closer to me. Tom informed her that a little porn had already happened with Mark giving me a kiss. I gave another 'Ew' when that was brought up. Elizabeth walked past me and I stood there while Tom snapped photos of me standing there with her behind me. At last, Tom told me I could take off the blindfold and look at her. I slowly took off the blindfold and closed my eyes and turned around.
When I opened my eyes... time stopped. Everything vanished and all that existed in the universe was just God, Elizabeth and I. Her beauty, standing there in the sunlight, in her wedding dress and her little tiara, shone brighter than the sun. I felt my breath catch in my throat and couldn't speak. Tears freely flowed down my face and Elizabeth smiled at me.
Tom told me it was okay to kiss her and I slowly kissed her in the morning sun. I could feel all of our friends and family around us smiling and sharing their love with ours.
After the business at the Gardens was finally over, it was time to go to the church. A bunch of Elizabeth's family had came into town and it was a complete blast meeting them and having photos taken with them. Most of my family couldn't make it for the wedding. But my son and daughter and her husband were there, along with my new granddaughter and my sister Theresa and her husband Don. I know the rest of my family was there in spirit.
We then finally had the one bad thing happen that they say always happens. Somehow, we were short one flower. A boutonnière for one of the ushers. Elizabeth and I were both upset, but we made the decision that the ushers would just have to go with out flowers.
After several pictures with family, friends, and our priest, Father McMichael, we got to the one photo I had been looking forward to. A special shot with all of my groomsmen and best men plus Elizabeth's father and stepfather. We had gotten all of them personalized cufflinks to wear with their tuxes.
Chris got a hot pepper. Mark had gotten a guitar pick. Frank had gotten a Cubs logo. (It was the last one to show up in the mail.) Ian had gotten the Batman logo. Elizabeth's dad Ralph had gotten golf clubs. Her stepfather had gotten a musical symbol. My son, Noah, had gotten Godzilla. Patrick had received a cross. I myself was wearing a pair of Godzilla cufflinks that my good friend Patricia Palm had gotten for me as a gift. I wanted us all to form a circle and show our cufflinks and get a photo of them all together.
Unfortunately, another bad thing happened. Poor Mark's cufflink lost both picks off of them! He stepped out of being in the shot because of it, and it made me feel bad that it happened. After all... the man kissed me. ;)
After that last shot it was time to start to get ready for the wedding to begin. Everyone went to their places as the opening music for the service started up. Our friend Sara, who was a bridesmaid, had her daughter there and she was our flower girl. Beatrice looked beautiful and had practiced all year to be able to spread the rose petals. Elizabeth's nephew, Sammy, was our ringbearer and looked sharp in his tux. So we were all set.
As the refrain for the trumpet music began, everyone started to go in. Elizabeth and I looked at each other and smiled as we stood there arm-in-arm. She made one last joke that we could make a break for it. Our friend, Donna, who was serving as bearer for the Gospel of the Lord, held the metal-clad book up to us and said, "I will hit you with this book!" I had a feeling she meant it and could take us both on. We laughed as the hymn started and we began to process into the sanctuary.
When I looked into the room earlier, it didn't look like a lot of people had shown up. But as we walked into the room now, Elizabeth and I were taken aback by how packed the room was! There were only a couple of empty places left in the pews. All these people had come to share in our special day and I couldn't help but feel a sudden rush of happiness run through my body.
The hymn that was being sung at the start of the service is my favorite one, it is also seven verses long. But it is a good thing it was long, as Father McMichael had a little trouble untying the rings from the ringbearer pillow. Sammy the ring bearer just smiled and shrugged his shoulders. Lucky the father got them free and placed them on the altar. As the hymn continued, Father gave me a little bit of a look that said, 'You had to have all seven verses of the song?'. I smiled and just gave a slight shrug of my shoulders.
After the singing was over, the service finally began. Elizabeth and I each said our parts as they came up in the service. Our friends Geoffrey and Candace did the wonderful readings from the Bible about love and marriage. The service that Father preached was amazing and during his homily, I could feel the power of love begin to build in the room to new levels.
At last, the time for the vows came. We both stood up there, and as I repeated what was said to me, my voice broke with emotion and tears ran down my face. I was later told that when I started to cry, their wasn't a dry eye in the house. I pulled myself together and finished the vow with all of the power of love and strength I could muster into my voice.
   Elizabeth's turn was next. And despite what she might say, her voice did crack with emotion when she said my name during the vows.
We thought it was time to kiss after the vows, but our priest shook his head and told us not yet! Which got a laugh from the crowd. He still had to bless the marriage. After Elizabeth's father said the prayers for our marriage, Father wrapped our hands with his stole and blessed us both. As we knelt in front of the altar, I felt the love inside me reach to Heaven. I know my stepfather was looking down at us at that moment and smiled.
After we stood and he pronounced us husband and wife, I looked at him and asked him, 'Now?' He smiled and said, 'Yeah, go ahead.'
We kissed as husband and wife and the room exploded into cheers. As we said thank you to everyone down the aisle during the peace, it was overwhelming, all the good wishes we were receiving.
The rest of the service was fantastic, as all who wanted to come to God's Table to partake of his love came up.
The end of the service finally approached and we began to walk down the aisle as people watched us, with all the room full of smiles. As we made it to the front door of the church, we looked outside and saw the Cinderella carriage waiting for us.
Our wonderful priest came up behind us and touched our shoulders. We both turned around and hugged him and thanked him for a wonderful service. We made our way down to the carriage, smiling and laughing like children. We decided to wait for everyone to come outside so they could see the carriage and take pictures of us. What was really fantastic is that the horse's name that pulled the carriage was Jedi! We both laughed at that strange little twist of fate.
More and more people came out of the church and took pictures and were all smiling and laughing. It was by far one of the happiest moments of my life, being there next to Elizabeth waving at the large crowd of family and friends.
And this was the biggest reason by far why we wanted to do our wedding like this. This is what we wanted more than anything. That feeling, that energy, that power of love from God in our House of Faith as we became husband and wife was something that neither one of us could have gotten by just going down to the courthouse. And the feeling of having so many people show up at the church to share it with us was overwhelming and amazing to us both.
Jedi pulled away from the church so Elizabeth and I could have a little alone time, as we tried to catch our breath from the long day. Tom rode with us for a few minutes to catch a couple of pictures but then it was just us. We smiled at each other and kissed again. 'I love you, my wife.' I said to her with tears in my eyes. 'I love you, my husband.' she replied.
 We rode around downtown Edwardsville as I held her close to protect her from the cold wind of November. It was magical...like a fairytale. But the night was just beginning. To be continued in part 2.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

13 DAYS AND COUNTING DOWN!

Well Hello All!

  It has been crazy the last few months, but I just wanted to drop a quick post. 13 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING! WOW! BY GODZILLA, WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?

  Ahem...excuse me, had to release that.
 
  Now that is taken care of, I do have to say that it has been fun the last couple of months trying to get things done. We have the wedding cake and the groom's cake paid for. We have had our meetings with our priest and choir master to try to get ready for the church. All the invitations have been sent out and it looks like we will have a very nice turn out for the wedding. Unfortunately, my mother and father won't be able to make due to health reasons. But I know they will be there in spirit.  A my children will be at the wedding along with my new granddaughter so that will be wonderful.

  I think the hardest part about planning this wedding has been trying to do it with me working and going to college part-time. But we have managed somehow to get the things done that have needed to get done.

  Well, time for me to get started on some homework that needs to be done for my classes at school. I will try to get one more blog post in before the wedding day. Thank you to all of you that have been reading this blog for the last couple of years on the journey that Elizabeth and I started all the way back two years ago when I went down to one knee at Disney World. Later all.

                                                                                        Jimmy Gillentine


P.S.

     THE GODZILLA CAKE IS GOING TO LOOK AWESOME!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

T-minus 52 days!

Things are rolling along, and despite the constant changes, bumps in the road, my insane travel schedule and Jimmy's new career as a part-time college student, the wedding is approaching. No, not like an oncoming train... much!

For those planning to join us, please check out the website. We've put all the details there, because we can only fit so much on an invitation. 

Jimmy and I are so excited - nervous! but excited - as we approach this day. I hope everyone realizes that while we will have been engaged two and a half years by the time we go down the aisle, we have not spent all that time planning a wedding. Don't get us wrong: the wedding will be fun! And it's been fun planning it. It's been almost a joint hobby for us, as we have taken every step together, laughed at the silly stuff (like $1200 for a pair of shoes!) and worked together on compromise, budgeting, planning and keeping our perspective. You know, like married people do.

And that's really the key. What Jimmy and I have really been doing is preparing to be married. It's far too easy for couples to fall into the wedding crazy and spend all their time in preparation for a ceremony and a big party, and forget that the marriage is the important part. Both of us wanted to spend this time preparing mentally, emotionally and spiritually to be married, and it has been a wonderful experience. 

It's been described to us that the church and the priest do not actually marry the bride and groom; they bless the covenant that has already been woven between them. That's truly how we feel; we've spent this looooong engagement weaving a bond between us and among our children. We are a family, and the wedding is the blessing and celebration of that family's bond.

Whether you will be with us in November or you are wishing us well from afar, thank you for your love and support. We are blessed in friendship and family, and will never forget the love you all have shown us as we danced toward our castle.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Ohhhh jeez! 114 Days To Go till Ground Zero! Holy Godzilla!

Oh man! Do you see that title of this blog!? 114 DAYS TO GO! Oh holy Rodan and Mothra! Where is the time going? We are quickly counting down to being only 100 days before Elizabeth and I get married. Wow! It is getting so close, and to be honest with everyone, I'm scared. No...not scared that the wedding is not going to happen or is it going to have to be postponed again. Elizabeth has said we have non-refundable deposits down now, so no backing out of it now.

But I'm scared that as it gets closer, something is going to get overlooked or forgotten and then on the day of the wedding, BOOM! It will be staring us in the face that it got left out. I will say though, Elizabeth is doing her best to keep things on a list and keep everything organized as we keep moving forward on this crazy little adventure. But even she will look at the Knot website and I will hear a 'GULP!' when she sees how many days are left till the wedding.

But, even though this can be stressful as hell, I wouldn't trade this for anything else in the world. I've had so much fun with cake tastings and wedding shows that I really believe I'm going to miss all of the planning and running around we've done to get ready for this special day. Elizabeth started to talk about the wedding today and things that will happen during the wedding day. I couldn't help but get choked up and had to do my best to keep from crying tears of love. I love her...and I'm the luckiest man on Earth to have her in my life. 114 days...still to long of a wait.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Holy God and Godzilla! 137 DAYS TO GO!

Oh man! What happened to the time! Only 137 days to go to the wedding! What happened to the time? It feels like yesterday that I tripped on my heart and proposed to Elizabeth in front of the castle. Now here it is, 137 days until the wedding. Oh geez! We still have so much to do! So much that has to be done. But here we are, 137 days and counting. Well...I'm looking forward to the neck breaking speed that we are going to have to go through to make sure everything is ready for the big day that I take Elizabeth's hand in mine and have the honor to call her my wife.

A lot has happened since the last time I posted. The main thing that is happening in my life is that I'm going to be a grandfather soon and I'm also going to be a student again when I start going to college this fall. I'm looking forward to both of those things happening to me. But I'm still looking forward to being Elizabeth's husband so much. We have a lot to do in the next few months to be ready. But I know we can do it. But wow...137 days and counting. Time is going by so fast! Soon...I'll be in my tux trying my best to hold back my tears of love and happiness when I see Elizabeth walking down the aisle toward me. Get ready! Alot to do in the near future! GO!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

172 days

I have no idea how we have been engaged for nearly two years, postponed twice and still can be behind schedule in planning this thing. The money is raised; it sits in an account, waiting for us to get a move on and give it to people.

Granted, little things like an impending grandchild, daughter's wedding, graduation, intermittent book tours, Jimmy's college application and release of two new books kind of distract us. As I told my father, priorities need to be observed. Our marriage is important; the wedding is not the marriage. Cost and crazy are managed. Lots of things get in the way, and sometimes there is irony. How funny is it to take a bit of cash from your own wedding fund for your daughter's wedding?

But just in case I was settling into some Zen about this thing, and everything's in perspective, I've got The Knot to send me a hysterical email.

ME: 172 DAYS.
JIMMY: Till the wedding?
ME: Yup.
JIMMY: Ohhhh.
ME: We will never be ready in time, we should...
JIMMY: NOOOOOOOOOOPPPOOOOOOOOOOOPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOERRRRRRR
JIMMY: NO
JIMMY: no
JIMMY: No
ME: We could probably get our deposits extended...
JIMMY: No. No. No.
ME: You're sure?
JIMMY: OHHHHH
ME: You're so much fun to torment.
JIMMY: NOOOOOOOOOOPPPOOOOOOOOOOOPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOERRRRRRR
ME: What does that even mean?
JIMMY: No. Times a gillion.
ME: If that is your final word on the matter...
JIMMY: Yes.
ME: Well, okay then. Meet you at the church, Nov. 8.
JIMMY: Good.
ME: Unless you come to your senses.
JIMMY: Hush.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Wedding Show Sitcom

ME: Dangit.
HIM: What?
ME: They've changed the Sunday shift to start earlier. My next Sunday shift is April 27. That's the Off-White Wedding Show.
HIM: What time?
ME: The show is 10:30 to 3 p.m. My shift will be 11 to 7. On the old shift, we could have gone before I have to work.
HIM: *pout*
ME: You can go without me.
HIM: It's no fun without you.
ME: I had to go to one alone... You're right. It was no fun. But we need the discounts.
HIM: I guess we have to miss it.
ME: It's the one with all the independent, sole entrepreneur vendors! The funky indie one... I could send you with Katie.
HIM: No.
ME: Why not?
HIM: That's the start of a bad wedding comedy.
ME: I think it's hilarious.
HIM: NO.
ME: Come on!
HIM: I don't wanna die!
ME: What?? How do you get killed going to a wedding show with Katie?
HIM: She has knitting needles. She's scary.
ME: My bridesmaid is not scary! Okay, she's a little scary. But she's not going to kill you!
HIM: No.

Of course, now I have this hilarious plotline started in my head...

Monday, March 10, 2014

More than a circle of metal...or always listen to your fiancee!

Finally! After months of searching and trying on several different styles of rings, we at last have The One Ring. Sorry... got a little Lord of the Rings geekiness out. But to be serious, it has been a long search to find a ring that would go well with Elizabeth's beautiful blue sapphire engagement ring. With it being so different and unique, most rings just did not go with it. The engagement ring would either overshadow the plain simple white gold bands we looked at or it would get overshadowed and swallowed by the big, clunky contoured bands we tried to match with it.

We even tried to look into getting a band of white gold made to match the ring. That way it would not have diamonds on it so as not to take away from the beauty of her engagement ring. But WOW! The price to get a custom-made ring without diamonds would be $600 to $700 dollars! A ring just made of white gold would cost more than one with diamonds? We were both sticker-shocked at the quotes we were given.

It was getting to the point that Elizabeth was thinking about not wearing a wedding band and just having her engagement ring blessed when we get married, doubling as her wedding ring. I did not like that idea at all. When she asked me why I didn't like it, I told her it was because of tradition and that she needed the wedding band. She giggled and we kept searching for the perfect ring for her.

We finally found it. A beautiful, delicate ring that was designed to look like it was a continuous infinity symbol made of white gold and very small diamonds. It matched her ring perfectly and the two rings actually complement each other. We checked the price for it and it wasn't that bad ether. We found it at Jared's, and since we got the engagement ring and my ring from them, we thought it would only be fitting to get her wedding band from them also. We debated about how we could pay for it, since this was an extra expense when our budget is already starting to feel the strain.

Believe it or not, it's because I was lucky enough to have my car blow up.

I know what you are thinking. 'How can your car blowing its motorhead be a lucky thing?' Simple, really. Without the car, my money is not going to gas and car insurance, just a bus pass. So it is now free to go to this special ring that we found. We were discussing our options on how to pay for it. I really wanted to go with Jared because they have treated us so wonderfully, and the lady who had sold us Elizabeth's engagement ring had gone out of her way to help us get the ring.

But then a little dilemma came up. We checked out a jewelry store in the Galleria before we had lunch. They had the same ring! And it was $100 dollars cheaper than Jared's asking price. As much as we loved Jared, that was a big price difference that we really couldn't ignore. We went to eat lunch and tried to decide which place to go to get the ring. We loved the price difference, but we love all the good customer service that Jared has provided for us. We had no idea how well this other place was going to treat us or to take care of the ring on their warranty.

Elizabeth suggested once again that she just use her engagement ring as her wedding ring. I told her that would not be right. She asked me, putting tradition aside, why it was so important that she have a wedding band.

I thought about it for a minute trying to find the right words. I told her that the wedding band is not just a circle of metal. It is blessed by our priest beside my wedding band, forming a spiritual bond between the rings and between us. It will not only join the rings together in love, but also our souls, and make it a promise that this time, we will make this work. She asked, "Why wouldn't it be the same with the engagement ring?"

I said that it is because the engagement ring is a representation of my love for her and the desire for me to marry her. The wedding band is the actual bond between us, with her ring and mine touched and blessed by a priest. She smiled and said that I was adorable.

We decided to go to Jared and tell them that we found the ring they carried at a cheaper price at the competition, in hopes that we could keep our business with them. As luck or fate would have it, the woman who sold us Elizabeth's engagement ring now works at the Jared store over on our side of the river. We went there today and we found the ring that we wanted.

Elizabeth told her that we had found this same ring cheaper at another store, and asked if there was any way they could match their price. Jared Lady told us she would talk to her manager about it. She went away and Elizabeth told me to go look at the shinies. That lasted until Jared Lady came back and said that would be no problem at all.

I was overjoyed and it showed on my face. Elizabeth informs me that I am not allowed to ever play poker because I have no game face at all. I made my first down payment on this beautiful ring and left the store.

As we drove home, I told her that I was surprised that they agreed to lower the price of the ring. She smiled and said I should always listen to what my woman says. I laughed, and said that she was right. She asked for me to repeat that. I gladly did. Elizabeth is always right... and I have no shame in saying that. ;)

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Swag

We've just returned from a bridal event. Hush, three of the vendors we needed to talk to were there, so it was convenient. We conferred with one of our potential florists, rental company and caterer, plus we met a new cake vendor. Jimmy personally devoured half her samples, I swear.

When we got home, I sorted through the swag bag and found a pair of pink panties, tied in curling ribbon. I pulled them out and unfurled them. Courtesy of the Dillard's lingerie department, at which I have never shopped because literally nothing is in my size. Including these tiny pink panties they put in the swag bag. Now, there may have been a time when I could have worn this scrap of fabric, but it definitely was before graduating from school and bearing a child.

"Look at this," I said, showing them to Jimmy. "One size fits all my ass. Literally."

Jimmy took the panties from me and held them up. "Yeah, that's ridiculous."

Of course, Ian chose that moment to walk into the dining room. And saw me and Jimmy sitting at the table. With Jimmy holding women's lingerie up in the air.

Ian stopped in the doorway, staring. Jimmy turned to him, still holding the panties up in the air. "Um," Jimmy said. "It... it came with the stuff. From the show."

I was no help at all, since I was laughing my ass off.

Without missing a beat, Ian said, "Jimmy, if you're not too busy..."

Jimmy gratefully escaped outside to toss the Frisbee around with the boy. I still haven't stopped laughing.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

By God or Godzilla...

Alas...poor Ronin...I knew you well.

My car died this past Friday. And when I say it died...I MEAN IT DIED A BITTER SMOKING DEATH! It was almost beautiful in a silly way how white smoke started to blow out the tail pipe then from under the hood. It happened on the way to St. Louis when I was following Elizabeth to help her do a set up for a convention. Once I got there and popped open the hood I saw the white smoke blowing up from the engine and I knew at once that my car had just died on me. I will say that I have to pat myself on the back because I did not have a freak out about it or get mad. I just figured...oh well.

We are lucky that we are AAA plus members and was able to get the car towed back to our mechanic's shop for free. I knew that whatever was wrong with the car, it was going to be beyond our means to fix it. Plus, the thing is/was nothing but a POS period. The fan had stopped working so I didn't have heat all winter, the transmission was starting to make a hard pop when I would shift it into reverse, and the catalytic converter had gone out so I couldn't the stupid thing to pass inspection. Which cost me getting a ticket. Hey, my fault, so nothing to do about that. So to get this thing fixed would come to well over 3,000 to 4,000 dollars or more. So...Elizabeth and I have decided to put a bullet in the poor thing and put it out of our misery. Folks...never and I mean NEVER buy a Suzuki car. The thing is maybe worth 2,300 dollars in good condition. Trust me...you don't want to know how much I paid on that stupid thing over the last three years.

Why am I talking about car troubles on the wedding blog? Because...we are NOT and I repeat, NOT going to postpone our wedding by using the tax return money to fix my car or just get a junker so I can drive to work. I am lucky enough that I only work maybe three miles from my home so I will be taking the bus and riding a new bike that I got from my future mother and father-in-law. Eh...it will make my doctor happy because I need to get in better shape anyway. But no matter what, this wedding is going to happen. Elizabeth and I are not going to let anything stop this from happening. She has gotten her tax money in and my refund will be coming soon and we will have our money for the wedding. Is it going to be a big blow out of one? No...but we ARE going to have one.

I have had the honor to plan this thing with Elizabeth and go with her to the wedding shows and look at flowers and dresses and tuxes and eat cake samples(my favorite part by the way)to my hearts content. We are not going to throw it away just because my car decided to throw us a curve ball. And while I am on the subject of dresses, some people may ask why I have gone with Elizabeth to watch her try on dresses. Let me just say that in my first marriage I followed the rule of not seeing the bride in her dress before the wedding and I still ended up divorced. So hey, I figure that if I see Elizabeth in her dress before we get married my luck just might be reversed this time. Hey, it could happen.

I love this woman. My beautiful Star of the Night Sky. We ARE getting married this year. It WILL be in our church and not at the court house. I did that once and I never felt like I was married because of it. So this time I'm doing it right and marrying Elizabeth in front of our priest and God in Heaven. No car break down or other craziness is going to stop us. Besides, we have more cake tasting to do before November. Just joking. But when it gets right down to it, I'm marrying this wonderful woman. By God or Godzilla...we are getting married this year.

Rant over. Thank you and see you in the world of Bitstrips. 


Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Weddingblitz

We've been blitzing wedding nonsense for several days, and I'm starting to recognize what my stepbrother Kurt told me about planning a wedding: It's like a part-time job.

In this case, though, it's a fun job, albeit one where you write a lot of checks instead of earning them. The blitz came about because we compiled our funds from the various places we've been saving, earning and otherwise acquiring cash for the wedding, and realized that once Jimmy's tax return comes in next week or thereabouts, the wedding will be fully funded.

All the money in the bank. Wedding paid for and it's all covered until the fittings. You know, as long as we stay on budget and nothing disastrous happens.

So naturally this was the weekend his car decided to crack its motorhead. A $2,000 repair, plus $600 for a catalytic converter and ominous rumblings from the transmission. Were the gremlins trying to stop us from getting married?

If so, they failed. Several conversations began and ended with, "No, we are NOT postponing the wedding a third time." And not just because of the nonrefundable deposits and our family members who've bought plane tickets, though those are definitely inspiring reasons.

It's not like we hadn't discussed the possibility of the car's demise before. Jimmy's car was a 2007 Suzuki Forenza. If you take nothing else away from this blog, I hope you will take our advice to never buy this car. Its blue-book value would be $2,300 if it was in perfect condition and everything worked. Now roll your eyes back on up to the second sentence of this paragraph, and realize that this is a car that depreciated almost its entire value in six years. My only defense is that he bought the thing before we were together, so it's not my fault.

Given the state of his car, we'd talked about him being unhorsed. And the weekend's carsaster (I just made that up) determined that instead of repairing his Suzuki, we would buy him a bus pass. Hopefully this is not a long-term solution, but he has the good fortune to have a job only three miles from home that is in a fixed location, whereas my job requires me to have constant access to a reliable vehicle to go anywhere. Sometimes I will be able to drive him to work; sometimes he'll be reliant on the buses and the lovely Raleigh bicycle my parents just gave him; most nights he'll need to bum a ride home from co-workers because the buses stop running at 11:30 p.m. and he gets off work at 2 a.m.

But the wedding would not be postponed again. He literally stomped his foot.

We determined the smartest thing to do would be to prepay for as much as possible. Anything that doesn't have to wait, we're doing now. We put down the deposit on my wedding gown and paid the balance on the reception hall. We paid off the boys' tuxedos and are meeting florists and bakers. I'm cruising the internet for any Schtuff we need that we can buy now: jewelry, shoes, LED candles, etc.

It's fun. If I close my eyes, I can pretend we're spending someone else's money. Oh hush, I'm just kidding. We planned for this, and one of the advantages of lower-income people having a loooong engagement is that we have a long time to save cash. We postponed when he was laid off and gave ourselves extra time to catch up, and now it's paying off.

This past weekend, I was a tad stressed, and my friends caught the worst of me at a convention I was doing. Part of it was the car, and trying to figure out if and how we could get Jimmy back on the road. Part of it was that I had an absolutely terrible week at work, am behind on a few projects and was feeling pulled in several different directions. I spent much of Sunday thinking about running away for a writer weekend just to reset my batteries (until I realized how much housework needs to be done at Donald-Smith-Gillentine Inc.).

But I realized I'd given the wrong impression when a friend posited that weddings shouldn't be allowed to cause so much stress.

I had to stop and think about that. Funny. The wedding is the one thing that isn't stressing me out.

The wedding blitz is fun. It's fun to try on overpriced silly dresses while on a Facebook chat with my sister and friends. It's fun to plan a big party with our nearest and dearest. It's fun to shop for this-that-and-the-other-thing, to look at lovely stuff and pick something we like, and Jimmy would say the cake testing is the most fun of all.

It's fun because our friends and family have a sense of humor.
It's fun because we realize what's important and what's not.
It's fun because we planned for it, saved and used our heads.
It's fun because we're doing it together.

And that's the most important part, I think. If I had to do it all by myself, it would become a joyless chore. I had to go to one wedding show alone, because both bridesmaids were sick and Jimmy had to work. And there was no fun to it. I collected my coupons, made my appointments and left. The fun comes in doing it together, in enjoying the planning as a hobby - or our part-time job, as Kurt would say. Jimmy wants to be a part of it, and we get to have fun doing it, and our friends crack us up, and our families are as excited as we are.

Work, writing careers, kidstress, budgets, touring, other obligations... all those things tend to pile on and cause stress in our lives. The wedding is fun. I have no doubt that something (many things) will go wrong and there will be stress and drama at some point, though my bridesmaids have pointy knitting needles and are under orders to stab drama before it breeds.

But for now, at least, it's all about fun. And cake.

Days to Go: 256

Thursday, February 20, 2014

A Matter of Space and Money...But Not Love...

261 days to go...

Wow! You see that number up there? When we started this crazy trip back when I tripped over my heart in Disney and went to one knee to ask Elizabeth for her hand in marriage we had nearly 800 days to plan this little thing called a wedding. But look how the time has flown by! Like Elizabeth said in her own blog post, when we first compiled a list of guest it was well over 400 people! All of our friends and family that we would love to be with us on the day we become husband and wife. Then the harsh reality of it slapped us across the face.

We just can't have that many people. And it simply comes down to the fact that it has to do with two things. Our church can only hold 115 people in it. And that is with everybody cramped in together in the pews like in a sardine can. Then there is the reception! We want this to be a wonderful party! Not just a quick toast and sharing cake and then everybody leaves. That just wouldn't be fun for either of us. I want people there to dance and laugh at my Godzilla cake as the song 'Godzilla' by Blue Oyster Cult is played in the background when I cut my first slice off.

So it comes down to space at our little church and money for this little wedding that we are putting together. And believe me, it has been a painful time looking through our guest list and having to try to decide who we send an invite to and who we don't. If I had my way and had the money Will Smith gets off of one movie like 'After Earth'(which sucked, but that is another topic unto itself) we would have this wedding at the big cathedral in St. Louis and have the reception at the Fox Theater with lobster tails and stakes to eat. But...we are poor. Very poor, and me getting laid off when I did ruined and hindered me from being able to donate money to the wedding fund we had put together. Even when I got me my job at SIUE it was at a rate of nearly four dollars less than at my job at the factory so our money was still tight.

So now, here we are with only 261 days to go and with a guest list of 191 that needs to be paired down to 115. I have already dropped family and friends that hurt my heart to have to do so. People I have met since I have become a writer and started to attend conventions as a author that I look up to and admire. People who became Elizabeth's and I's biggest cheerleaders when they found out that we were in love and were keeping their fingers crossed that I would pop the question to her and that she would say yes to me. Guys that I have shared drinks with at parties at the cons and laughed with and that I consider brothers and family.

Members of my family that I love more than anything and that I wish to God above they could be there with me on the day I see Elizabeth walk down the isle toward me with her wedding dress on. But it all comes down to money and space. And no...we can't have people streaming live video of the wedding so others can watch online or in another room at the church. Photography of any kind is not allowed at our church during the wedding. Why not get married at a larger place so more people can come? Because this little church we go to is special to us. It is where we go to worship and where I serve as a chalice bearer for communion. It is the home of my soul for God and that is where we want to be joined together as husband and wife.

Why am I saying all of this? Because we both wanted people to know that if you don't receive an invite it is not because we did not wish you to be there. It is because of lack of space and money. But no lack of love for all of you. We hope and pray that people who are not invited will understand and still wish us happiness and good luck. Who will look forward to seeing all of the pictures of Elizabeth in her wedding gown and me wearing a tux with tails acting like I'm singing the song 'Puttin on the Ritz' with her father and my sons and friends who have done me the honor to be groomsmen and usher. We hope that if you are not there in the flesh, you will be with us there in spirit sending all of your love and happiness to us.

Bottom line...please don't hate us. We beg you. Now that that is out of the way...does anybody have any ideas how we can cut another 76 people off of the list. We sure could use the help. I need a rum and coke the size of Godzilla right now.


Wednesday, February 19, 2014

A church, a hall and a shoehorn

So far this is the only part I hate about planning this wedding. We are cutting the guest list.

It’s brutal. Who knew I had this many friends? And family, and colleagues… to say nothing of the plethora of relatives I’m about to acquire. To put it in perspective for you: when we did our initial list of all the people we wanted to invite, there were more than 400 names.

The church holds 115. Max.

But now we’re down to the wire, so it’s time to get really serious about redlining the list. It’s depressing - even heartrending - to cut people off our list, so many people.

We've cut friends from high school and acquaintances from the book tour. Professional colleagues, fellow volunteers, friends of our parents, coworkers, internet pals. Jimmy cut relatives by the score; then I started in as well, and I have fewer relatives by far. We cut people who lived far, far away for whom it would be an expensive imposition for them to attend.

Now we’re down to 240. Someone shoot me.

It’s down to painful proportions. I’m cutting friends I’ve known for twenty years or more, people who’ve advised me, who’ve helped me in times of trouble, people to whom I am very close. On the one hand, it’s brutal to the point to tears, as though by eliminating them from the list I’m eliminating them from my life.

On the other hand, my sanity brain knows that isn’t true.

If it weren’t so brutal, it would be a nice affirmation to know how many lives have touched us, how many people wish us well and have been part of our lives separately and together. We are blessed in friendship and family, and the list is a reflection of that.

On the other hand, we’re going to need a shoehorn.

I started employing a new mindset: instead of asking, “Do I want this person at the wedding?” I am asking, “Will this person hate me forever if I snub them by not inviting them? Will they understand?” After all, everyone knows this is a bare-budget wedding, and the church only seats so many…

191.

ME: That’s it. It’s going to be me, you, the wedding party and the priest. Nobody else.
HIM: Let’s try again.

Days to go: 262