A church, a hall and a shoehorn

So far this is the only part I hate about planning this wedding. We are cutting the guest list.

It’s brutal. Who knew I had this many friends? And family, and colleagues… to say nothing of the plethora of relatives I’m about to acquire. To put it in perspective for you: when we did our initial list of all the people we wanted to invite, there were more than 400 names.

The church holds 115. Max.

But now we’re down to the wire, so it’s time to get really serious about redlining the list. It’s depressing - even heartrending - to cut people off our list, so many people.

We've cut friends from high school and acquaintances from the book tour. Professional colleagues, fellow volunteers, friends of our parents, coworkers, internet pals. Jimmy cut relatives by the score; then I started in as well, and I have fewer relatives by far. We cut people who lived far, far away for whom it would be an expensive imposition for them to attend.

Now we’re down to 240. Someone shoot me.

It’s down to painful proportions. I’m cutting friends I’ve known for twenty years or more, people who’ve advised me, who’ve helped me in times of trouble, people to whom I am very close. On the one hand, it’s brutal to the point to tears, as though by eliminating them from the list I’m eliminating them from my life.

On the other hand, my sanity brain knows that isn’t true.

If it weren’t so brutal, it would be a nice affirmation to know how many lives have touched us, how many people wish us well and have been part of our lives separately and together. We are blessed in friendship and family, and the list is a reflection of that.

On the other hand, we’re going to need a shoehorn.

I started employing a new mindset: instead of asking, “Do I want this person at the wedding?” I am asking, “Will this person hate me forever if I snub them by not inviting them? Will they understand?” After all, everyone knows this is a bare-budget wedding, and the church only seats so many…

191.

ME: That’s it. It’s going to be me, you, the wedding party and the priest. Nobody else.
HIM: Let’s try again.

Days to go: 262